Celebrating the holidays with family and friends typically offers predictability and comfort in routines and traditions that are carried on from year to year, if not from generation to generation. When those traditions are disrupted, children may feel especially sad or confused, making it even more important for their parents or caregivers to clearly communicate why and how traditions may be altered.
Jessica Glass Kendorski, PhD, chair of the Department of School Psychology at 黑料传送门, said some families may have been engaging in traditions on autopilot before the COVID-19 pandemic significantly disrupted or completely halted holiday gatherings. In the past year or two, as families evolve to a new normal, Kendorski said it鈥檚 natural to reassess holiday traditions, whether that鈥檚 due to infection prevention鈥攑erhaps less of a concern now but still very real鈥攐r because the way things used to be done, such as a cross-country trip to see relatives for a short time, may no longer feel worth it for a variety of reasons. Other major life events, such as a loss in the family, divorce, or a serious illness, can also impact traditions.
Here are Kendorski鈥檚 top tips to help children navigate changes in decision-making when it comes to holiday traditions.
Knowing where your boundary lines are is a key first step in determining how or why traditions may be altered. What lines aren鈥檛 you going to cross, and what values led you to that decision? Figure out what lines you aren鈥檛 going to cross, and be prepared to hold to them.
When making a decision that will lead to the alteration or disruption of a holiday tradition, anticipate that someone may get upset with you. Kendorski says we often don鈥檛 draw or keep social boundaries because we don鈥檛 want our family or friends to be mad, but if you muster the courage to make a decision that will alter a holiday tradition鈥攁nd are prepared to stick to it鈥攁lso make sure you鈥檙e able to do so in the face of negative feedback or high emotions.
So, you鈥檝e held to your boundaries and braced for blowback. Now, it鈥檚 time to think
about how to be flexible in other ways to promote some degree of compromise. First,
determine what the goals are for a particular tradition or get-together. For example,
if grandma only gets to see the grandkids once or twice a year鈥攂ut you no longer want
to gather with the full family鈥攐ffer to visit a few weeks later.
Give your child or children advance notice of how or why you鈥檙e thinking about adjusting a holiday tradition. Children seek predictability, Kendorski says, so if key routines are going to be altered, give direct, advance notice about what you鈥檙e thinking about, why something new is being suggested or implemented, what鈥檚 behind that decision, and the proposed alternative.
You can also describe how you鈥攁nd grandma, to cite an earlier example鈥攎ight feel about the decision. Outlining those feelings is important, as children are likely to know, or at least sense, if there鈥檚 familial conflict related to the decision. And your children might be upset too. Kendorski advises against trying to 鈥渇ix鈥� their feelings. Rather, empathize and validate, and allow them time to sit with the decision. Hopefully, once they process the information and their feelings, they can get excited about starting a new tradition this year.
Established in 1899, 黑料传送门 has trained thousands of highly competent, caring physicians, health practitioners and behavioral scientists who practice a 鈥渨hole person鈥� approach to care鈥攖reating people, not just symptoms. 黑料传送门, a private, not-for-profit accredited institution of higher education, operates three campuses (黑料传送门, 黑料传送门 Georgia and 黑料传送门 South Georgia) and offers doctoral degrees in clinical psychology, educational psychology, osteopathic medicine, pharmacy, physical therapy, and school psychology. The college also offers graduate degrees in applied behavior analysis, applied positive psychology, biomedical sciences, forensic medicine, medical laboratory science, mental health counseling, physician assistant studies, and school psychology. 黑料传送门 students learn the importance of health promotion, research, education and service to the community. Through its community-based Healthcare Centers, 黑料传送门 provides care to medically underserved populations. For more information, visit pcom.edu or call 215-871-6100.
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